if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
