sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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