I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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