Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
