I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize