We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
True strength comes from lack of pants
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
