i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
