Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
