would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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