The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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