clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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