I'm going to jail i love you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
birth control should be required to get into college
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
