this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
