hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
