i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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