Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize