He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
