I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The Olympian is in my bed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
