You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
