It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
