Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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