and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
