Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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