you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
