i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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