fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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