Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
