he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
