Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize