No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
