This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
