Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
