I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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