When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
