Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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