hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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