No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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