I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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