a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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