I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
