Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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