Im at strip club and am horny
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize