Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm like, not good at living.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
