But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
