Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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