I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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