That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize