your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
