I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
