Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
