hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize