I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
