we have pet lesbian snakes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
