he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
