I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
