Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize