just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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