Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
