Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
