I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize