You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
