I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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