Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize