Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize