He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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