Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
two words: eviction party
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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