there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have so many feelings about this burrito
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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