I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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