So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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