I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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