I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize