You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
