I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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