I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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