We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
