3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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