My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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