No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Mom said you looked used
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
