three words: i give head
three words: not that well
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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