people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
