i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
