He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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