She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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