I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
