it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
