weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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