you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
